A friend of mine found herself in the situation where she was having regular sex with her ex. Once she’d plucked up the courage to tell me and ask my opinion, I said NO! Bad idea - incidentally it took her so long to tell me about it because she knew deep down, that it was not the right move for her.

Let’s be clear, having sex with your ex is rarely ever a good idea and if you have children together, it can be a minefield.

Take a step back and try and look at this rationally and calmly. Look at the reasons that your relationship ended. Have these situations resolved themselves? Has anything really changed? If the answer is no, then there is more going on here than sex.

You have to look to yourself and look within and discover what is missing from your life that you would even contemplate this move, never mind to actually do it. Emotional yearning is much more powerful that a physical yearning. Let’s be honest, if you have children and you’ve walked away from a relationship with their father, that is huge! For anything to potentially drag you back to that situation, when nothing has really changed, when the reasons that you left are still the same, then there is some kind of unresolved turmoil going on within you, that is all about you!

Chances are the actual relationship and any potential for a reconcilliation is long over and long gone. Look at yourself and face whatever emotioanl problems you are dealing with. Give yourself time to get over the separation and the reality of being alone with your children. Don’t try and fill the emotional void with the old. It is the old, for a reason. Face your emotional stuff and move on. If you need to get some counselling, then do so.

Sleeping with your ex can make a mess and cause well laid arrangements regarding your children to unravel. You have probably both worked hard to arrange access visits for your ex to see your children. Is it really worth the mess that such a situation will inevitably bring if you and your ex miscommunicate and mis understand just what is going on.

Think of your children. What if they discover what is going on. Think of the confusion. Chances are you have worked hard to bring your children through a very tricky time in their lives as they have dealt with the separation. Do you really want to unravell that progress?

Accept that it will take time to recover from the ending of any relationship. Accept that you have physical needs, but is the father of your children really the person to express those needs with? Accept also that the love you once shared was huge in your life and chances are those emotions and feelings may remain pretty ambiguous as you continue to work through the aftermath of a separation. You’re vulnerable, accept it! You’re allowed to look back at how things once were before the separation. Give yourself time to deal with all of that.

If you are already sleeping with your ex then you need to take a step back and think! Are you using your ex as a crutch to make yourself feel better? To keep yourself in a safe and familiar place? Are you afraid to plan your future and to start to make that new and independant life for you and your children?

However far you have gone down this road, whether you have simply thought about it or whether you have actually acted upon it. Think about your next move very carefully.