Having a debate with a good friend of mine the other day, we got to talking about a third friend of ours who is in a long term relationship and to all intents and purposes, a happy long term relationship.  Except she has started up a friendship with a guy she met at the gym and they have been texting and emailing each other several times a week for the past couple of months.  She hasn’t told her partner and he hasn’t told his partner.  So my friend and I were discussing whether this was really cheating or not?  I say, “HELL YES!”  Think about it!

Both these people have not told their long term partners about a relationship they are having with someone else! 

If it is so innocent, if it means nothing, then why maintain this secret friendship?  Why keep it a secret from your long partner?  Whether it is admitted or not, there is something more than friendship going on!

They are sharing thoughts and ideas that should be shared with their partners and that is potentially dangerous. 

You and your partner are partners for a reason, to share.  If someone else comes along and becomes an outlet for your dreams and ideas, even to simply listen to you moaning about how bad your day was, there is a danger that they could very easily become more.  You hear it often, “we started out as friends!”  Friendship is a great foundation on which to build a romantic relationship.

If your long term partner discovers your secret friendship, it could be devasting for them. 

Often people say that it is much harder to get over an emotional betrayal than it is to get over a physical betrayal.  Whether you believe that or not, an emotional betrayal should be on a par with a physical betrayal simply because you are sharing a part of yourself with someone else.

If you cannot go home and tell your partner about your day and what you did, you should seriously ask yourself why? 

If there is something missing from your relationship, you need to address that and deal with it.  Perhaps you need a holiday with your partner to put the romance back into your relationship.  If the problems are more deep seated, seek professional counselling and work at repairing the problems.  Turning outside the relationship for emotional fulfillment could be the start of a very slippery road.