So your relationship might be over, but you and your ex still have children together and it is obviously in all of your interests if you can all find a way to get on with each other, in this new order, and allow your ex access to the children.  But what happens when your relationship ends and your children’s father disappears from their lives sometimes without explanation, sometimes without warning?  What happens is that it can be a daunting and traumatic time for any child and equally for you. 

I’ve got to say, as the parent left to pick up the pieces and explain and manage the fall out, not many would blame you if you found yourself being negative about your ex and then passing that onto your children.  Hard to do, but you have to avoid this route.  The worst thing you can do when a child has been left by their father, is to tell them exactly what you think about their father.  It hurts your child, because they love their father!  It matters to your child, because they love their father!  In all that you do and say and feel, it is paramount that you remember this!

There could well be mitigating circmstances as to why a father has to go away, but I know from friends of mine that though this is often understood, it can be galling when a father simply disappears without any word.  The imagination of young minds runs riot and they come up with all kinds of reasons why their father might have disappeared, and sad to say blaming their mother and themselves, is often at the top of that adgenda! 

As the resident parent, you have to support your children.  You have to talk to them about their father and the situation you all find yourselves in, but not in a judgemental way.  Find the words to explain to your children what you know is going on, without giving them your thoughts on what you think is going on. 

If you can in anyway contact your child’s father, then do so and explain the pain and hurt that he has left behind.  Work hard at expressing to him, in a calm and non-confrontational way, that he must make contact and stay in contact with his children - in essence, he must be a father no matter what is going on in his life. 

Ultimately though, try and avoid letting a father’s absence blight the life you and your children have.  Children are great at adapting and moving on, but in order for them to do so in a healthy and emotionally vibrant way, you have to support and guide them through to that point.